Joe Muscara Narrowly Escapes Death in Hunting Accident
Owner Joe Muscara has narrowly escaped Death today whilst on a Hunting Trip with friends in the foothills outside of Klingerstown.The party of six men had encountered another group who were also Hunting. Apparently no sooner had Mr. Muscara raised his hand in a gesture of greeting and goodwill when a Rifle shot rang out. Mr. Muscara’s Wig was blown clean off his head and went sailing through the air. Further shots were fired…with at least one and possibly two of them striking the Wig for a second time as it fell limply to the Earth.
A deeply shocked Muscara could only keep repeating the words “Someone get John Curtin on the phone”
“I thought it was a big ol’ Gray Squirrel sitting on a tree stump…Honest” said Orvell Stoodlemeyer, a local rugged outdoor type. “I saw it in the sights of my Bushmaster AR-15 and thought to myself…I’m gonna bag me one of them fat ol’ gray suckers if it’s the last thing I do on this Earth”.
Mr. Stoodlemeyer later conceded that his ‘Bloodlust’ could well been fuelled by a rather unfortunate experience in his Grandma’s Out House while he was a teenager, one which had also involved a Gray Squirrel.” I was just sitting there singing an old Pat Boone tune and evacuating my bowels when the door burst open, this Gray Squirrel raced in, grabbed my nuts and tried to run off and bury them” he said with a strained look on his face clearly showing he well remembered the pain of that incident as though it were only yesterday.
“I haven’t been able to father any children of my own as a result of that terrible day” he said.
“I caught sight of Mr. Muscara’s Wig and I guess all the trauma of my past came flooding back and it took over” he continued.
“Ok, so maybe I had these two voices in my head”
“One was screaming at me not to shoot the Man’s Rug, as cheap and nasty looking as it is” he continued
“The other voice was also screaming and just as loud…”There’s the fat gray bastard Squirrel that tried to bury your Nuts so line up the shot and pull the God damned Trigger you Nancy Boy!” … so I shouted ” Grab my Nuts will ya…ya fat gray Bastard!” then I gave in to the second, less rational voice and squeezed off numerous rounds.”
“I’m real, real sorry about Mr. Muscara’s Rug” he said “But honestly, any Hunter worth a Dime would have done the same”
“That Rug of his is a dead spit for the ol’ Gray Squirrel that grabbed my nuts”
“Most guys I know ’round here would have shot it in a heartbeat”.
“He’d be better off getting one that looked like a Ruffed Grouse”
“It’s our State Bird” he exclaimed ” We don’t tend to shoot at them too much”.
“It just goes to show that my dear ol’ Mamma, God rest her soul, was right all along”. “No matter how much money a fella has…there’s no such thing as a good Wig”
(This was an April Fools Day joke, if you clicked the image it goes through to the 100 greatest April Fools Day hoaxes of all time of all time. Thanks Joe for being a good sport.)
